I walked out of the bright Easter Sunday light and into the cool, dark comfort of my local multiplex. It was time to see “A Minecraft Movie.” Or so I decided.
While wholesome, churchly Americans were donning bright ties and yellow dresses at the local Sunday service, I had set foot into another church of sorts: the church of Steve’s lava chicken. The church of the Piglin. The church of chicken jockey (an abundance of chicken, I would notice). But I could not know that yet.
Released in April, this film adapted the Swedish video game of the same name that empowered players to build structures and societies with cubelike shapes in a unique and open world. My main association with the game until this moment was occasionally watching college roommates play it in their boxers.
My wife was conveniently working that morning — not that she would have attended in any conceivable scenario — and I found myself alone at the movies. This is normally the case. She’s more of a TV spirit.
As I settled into my seat with my popcorn tub, a herd of kids and their parents settled in the row behind me. I didn’t expect a large turnout given the Easter of it all, but the more the merrier. There’s nothing like sharing a film experience with the key demographic, so long as that demographic isn’t too loud (a grown man at “A Minecraft Movie” on a Sunday morning had this thought).
Shortly after, five more filed in. Then another six. By the time the trailers were finished, the theater was probably 60 percent full.
And we were off. Jack Black appeared onscreen to rapturous applause from the family masses. He donned the sort of beard that only two weeks of seasonal depression could buy me. And the kids were loving it.
It will be unsurprising to discover that I — a millennial man — very much like Jack Black. He started out as something close to the John Belushi of my generation; a tubby ball of comic lightning that was also pretty good at acting. In the later years of his career, he’s essentially become a kid’s movie star — bouncing between franchises like “Jumanji” and “Kung Foo Panda.” The fact that today’s youth were cheering for the man who punted Baxter off the bridge and starred in “School of Rock” brought me some joy.
And then he started singing about chicken.
As if called by their ancestors to perform a ritual in this cubic cathedral, nearly everyone in the theater sang those vibrant words:
“L-L-L-Lava. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chicken. Steve’s lava chicken is as tasty as hell.”
I jumped and immediately looked around behind me. Everyone was locked into this madness smiling ear to ear, singing this beyond idiotic song. Fathers, mothers, kids, their friends — all a united front watching Jack Black, Jason Momoa and the gang acting their hearts out in front a green screen. CG battles unfolded, Jennifer Coolidge started dating a robed cube man and fan service was being thrown at the screen that I didn’t remotely understand.
A thought that wasn’t tasty as hell hit me: I’m old.
Without the youth to tie me to “A Minecraft Movie” or children of my own to foster an introduction, I had completely missed out on…whatever this was.
The gray in my beard started to feel less like salt-and-pepper and more like I’d be better suited whaling. As a self-proclaimed pop-culture dork, this presented a choice. At 33 years old, I could fight this, or I could embrace it.
I could say “A Minecraft Movie” sucked because I couldn’t find a foothold. What unfolded before me was just out of my reach, though I must admit the film was entertaining. Everyone yelled “CHICKEN JOCKEY” and I nearly vaulted through the ceiling. Three-dimensional cubes were continuing to fight and bounce about.
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, a voice called out: this isn’t meant for me.
I once heard the advice “let people have things.” It’s something I’ve internalized over the years. As tempting as it might be to gatekeep and put “Minecraft” down, did my parents do that when I dragged them to see “Shrek?” Or “The Polar Express,” an actual nightmare come to life? Every generation is entitled to its fun, stupid movie that hits just right. Whether it’s “Steve’s Lava Chicken” or Donkey singing “I’m a Believer” at a karaoke party.
“A Minecraft Movie” bought the kids some joy and Jack Black another vacation home. Who can argue? It’s good to see the youth of the world out at the theater having an experience – even if it’s one that perplexes me to some degree.
Walking out of the theater, a little back pain reminded me why perhaps I wasn’t fully in-the-know about this $1 billion box office phenomenon. But I also learned that I kind of enjoy it.
I stepped back into the sun a new man. A man with broader borders and an accepting heart. A man who sort of knows what chicken jockey means.
Watching the Credits 